This feeling comes just a few days after I opened up the Myth of Sisiphyus, I remember Albert Camus's question, "What is the meaning of life?".

When I think of life, I like to think that it is well deserving for me to live long with my childhood friends not as romantic partners but as someone who when I hear the sound of their voice or see a glimpse of their wrinkled face my heart warms up again and any frost bite left there will be water for my eyes. That our kids will grow and attend each other birthdays.

But I was robbed of the chance of possibly of my childhood friend. I remember us planning hangouts and events. The call of her death shattered my heart.

Each promise, each word, each of the good byes, each time I told her to believe me, is like pin set in my heart not to kill but to drain my blood putting it back in for every 24 hours.

But then again I remember our last conversation then it begs my question was it closure or a chance to do better?